Last year about this time, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I had just moved out of a house that was owned by the biggest slum lord in Topeka. The house we moved into wasn't ideal at the time, but it felt right. My father, a recovering alcoholic, was living with us. His recovery wasn't doing so well. He and I fought constantly and I had lost my job on Mother's Day. My husband lost his job not long after. I felt drained all the time worrying how I was going to make ends meet and pay our bills. One night, I decided to sit alone and meditate.
I thought long and hard about the path I was currently on and the reasons I was not happy. I lit a white and an orange candle. The white for cleansing and the orange for communication. I asked my patron Goddess Morrigan to assist me in finding the answers.
As I stared into the candle I talked out loud about all the things that were wrong in my life. How I felt so alone I felt and how I needed guidance to get me onto a better path. I questioned everything. I cried. It was here that I realized that this was the first time in over a year that I had really performed magic or even talked to the Goddess. I had gotten so wrapped up in desires, needs and self-pity that I had forgotten the most important aspects of being a Pagan. I had stopped helping others and communicating with Spirit.
It was like an epiphany. It hit me so hard that I quite literally stopped right there with a dumbfound look on my face. My answer had been handed to me, just as I had asked. I always felt so much better when helping others and being close to Spirit, but I since I had gotten married and had a child, this had not come as often. I had gotten too busy making sure a house was clean and bills were paid. Going to work and caring for my daughter and step-son became my number one focus in life. I had lost my closeness with Spirituality.
My husband and I discussed things and decided we both needed to get back to Spirit. After two weeks of meditations, and talking with Spirit, my husband and I found jobs. Things drastically changed after this. As the bills got paid, we thanked Spirit over and over for the assistance that was given. Morning after morning we thanked the Sun for rising again. When the moon came up we felt blessed. Even after standing on our feet for hours we continued to feel grateful.
Samhain brought the first time we worked magic together as a family. Talismans with things we wanted to work on over the next year were made. We set out a plate of food for the passed friends and family when we ate. We carved pumpkins and talked about the Harvest and the Witches Wheel of the Year. I felt at last some peace knowing I was finally getting back onto a path I know I was supposed to walk.
Eventually, my father moved out to go back into a recovery program. Things were still tough, but they were bearable. The energy of our house began to change for the better. My husband and I spent more time together. We talked more often. I spent actual time with my children. I read and worked magic with them. Daily, I communicated with Spirit and thanked them for all the blessing we had already received and those we would receive in the future.
Since my talk with Morrigan, I have not only felt closer to her, but I have also slowed down to hear her messages. Moments like cuddling with my daughter and hearing her beautiful heartbeat, seeing my step-son graduate elementary school, making love with my husband, meditating, helping friends and family.... all of it makes me feel so thankful that I have reconnected with Spirit.
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